Marriage is a good desire. Afterall it was God who said it is not good for a man to be alone (Gen 2:18). However, even good things like the desire for marriage can become a distraction and eventually an idol of the heart. This distraction is evident in our thoughts and actions which we will discuss in this “letter”.  

Having come across many Single Christians at the Well – we have observed many are tempted to make their good desire of marriage into an idol. Lets define idolatary and how such a good desire can become an idol. Sounds extreme? Not.

What is Idolatry?

Idolatry refers to the act of giving ultimate devotion, reverence, or worship to any entity, object, or concept in place of the one true Creator. It encompasses external images or symbols, as well as internal attitudes and desires that substitute for genuine devotion to God. (According to https://biblehub.com/q/what_does_idolatry_mean.htm)

In this context - the desire for marriage can become an idol when you rely on marriage to provide you with fulfillment, security and identity instead of obtaining these from the One True and Living God. Your fulfillment, security and identity are supposed to come from God not marriage. When your devotion to God is misdirected to your efforts of getting married, when you place a higher value to the idea of marriage more than God – you have made marriage an idol. Let’s go deeper, here are 9 Behaviors and Actions that indicate you may have to repent for making marriage an idol.

1)      Dissatisfaction

Feeling like your life is incomplete without a spouse? Be content with what you have (Heb 13:4), is a clear instruction that our ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction in life is not dependent on what we have or what do not have. No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. (Ps 84:11) This means God is not deliberately withholding marriage from you. He fulfills ALL our needs including our need to be/have a husband or wife because the Lord is your shepherd; you shall not want; you shall not lack or be in want. (Ps 23:1)

2)      Worry and Anxiety

Fear that you may never get married, ever? God did not give us the spirit of fear (2 Tim 1:7) that includes worry and anxiety over your marital destiny. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7).

3)      Obsession

Do you love and value marriage more than God? And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. (Mark 12:30). Means there is nothing in this world we should love more than God. This calls for us to do some introspection and check our hearts. Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. (2 Cor 13:5)

4)      Jealousy & Envy

Do you envy friends and family members who are married or getting married? For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. (James 3: 16). Remember the first murder recorded in human history was because of jealousy. Remember Joseph was sold by his brothers as a slave because of jealousy. Jealousy, if unchecked can lead us to sin even more and hurt those we love. The acts of the flesh are... jealousy, envy... those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Gal 5:19-21)

5)      Comparison

Comparing your life to childhood friends, cousins, and peers who are married? Comparison is the thief of joy. For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. (2 Cor 10:12).

6)      Impatience

Feeling like you are behind in life and not making progress? To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. (Ecc 3:1). Patience is the fruit of the spirit. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1:4)

7)      Compromise

Are you settling and disobeying God’s instructions in your relationships? Settling means you are opting for any relationship and anyone who you know very well is not God’s will. These 2 things are evidence of compromise: (1) Choosing to date and marry an unbeliever. (2) Engaging in Sexual sin. The Scripture teaches: Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. (2 Cor 6:14). Flee from sexual immorality... your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit ...glorify God with your body. (1 Cor 6:18-20).

8)      Complaining

Complaining about being unmarried or difficulty of finding a spouse? There are unique challenges and difficulties you may face as a single Christians, however we should not fixate on these challenges to the extent of magnifying them and depriving ourselves of the joy that God gave us. Do all things without complaining and disputing (Phil 2:14)

9)      Lack of Trust

You don’t trust God to fulfill your need and desire for a godly marriage. Trust in the Lord...Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart...Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass...Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him (Ps 37:3-7).

In conclusion, your desire for marriage is good but putting that desire above God can lead you astray.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.

1 Peter 5: 8